Democrats are pussies and that's why people hate you.

Sorry, it had to be said.  It's the elephant in the room and no one wants to talk about it, but it's there and it's taking big stinky shits and someone is going to have to eventually acknowledge its existence when we're up to our elbows in said shit.  Democrats, you guys are a bunch of spineless pussies and that's why you lose elections, that's why your agendas are unpopular, that's why your party loses to an opponent who is so drunk on their own arrogance and power that SARAH FUCKING PALIN (I know that's not her middle name) is one of their FRONT RUNNERS for a presidential nomination and you still are getting worse press than they are.  It's why the beltway has completely turned on you and started drinking the kool-aid straight from the Fox News teat.  In short, it's why you fail and fail and fail some more.

What Anthony Weiner did is stupid, there's no question about that.  He embarrassed himself, his family and his party with his actions.  However, what about David Vitter?  He's the republican junior senator from Louisiana who cheated on his wife with hookers, some of whom he called from the senate floor while voting was taking place.  He didn't text his dick to a girl, he actually put his dick in one, and she was a prostitute to boot, meaning he also broke the law while doing it, as well as his marital vows,  you know, the "family values" stuff Republicans still manage to have a monopoly on, while simultaneously dominating the field when it comes to sex scandals because the Democrats are TOO FUCKING LAME to seriously call them on their hypocrisy and bullshit.

Now, I'm not defending what Weiner did.  I think it was a dumb move and a huge mistake and pretty much kills his ambitions for a mayoral run and he'll be lucky if he even gets to keep his seat come the next election.  However, no Democrats are defending him either.  Not that there's anything wrong with that, except you know who's defending Vitter?  EVERY SINGLE MEMBER OF THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.  And they did such a good job of it that the guy still has his job and no one is even giving him shit about what he did except the few outraged liberals in the blogosphere and on MSNBC.  Same thing with John Ensign, you know, the Republican former senator from Nevada?  The guy who cheated on his wife with the married wife of one of his staffers and friends?  The guy who enlisted help from other Republicans to cover it up, including a dubious payoff that he chose to resign his position, rather than face a senate ethics investigation over?  See, it wasn't that his party was so outraged at his behavior that they called for him to resign, for that matter the Democrats barely made a row about it for more than a week or two themselves, it was that he was about to face a potential criminal investigation into his activities and only resigned to save his own ass.

Why aren't Democrats outraged over this?  Why aren't they calling the Republicans on their blatant hypocrisy when it comes to sexual misconduct by each other's party members?  Why do Democrats continually roll over and let the Republicans get away with whatever scandalous bullshit they want, but then fold their cards the minute one of their guys screws up and throw him right under the bus?  Why wasn't the head of the DNC calling for the resignation of David Vitter the way Reince Priebus is calling for Weiner's resignation?  Why isn't the head of the DNC calling for all Republicans who received money due to fundraisers held by Vitters and Ensign to return their "tainted money" the way Priebus is of those Weiner raised money for?  Vitters held a fundraiser THIS WEEK for Republicans and not a peep from the Democrats.  Why?  Why are you guys such fucking PUSSIES?

See, this is why I am a Libertarian.  I can't stand the modern Republican party.  I think they're corrupted, corporatist, fascist, morally bankrupt, greed-driven lapdogs to the banks, the megacorps, oil companies and their own twisted theocratic ideology.  However, I can't in good conscience be a Democrat because, while I agree with them on a number of issues, they're just so spineless and disloyal and unorganized and, for lack of a better word, they're just a bunch of bitches.  Also, in spite of what some of my conservative friends might think, I actually do have some "conservative" views.  I support the second amendment, I'm pro-death penalty, I'm in favor of a strong military, I believe social programs should be a "hand up" and not just a "hand out," and so on.  But, when it comes down to it, I find myself agreeing more with those damned liberals in the lamestream media than I do with the fascist shit heads on the conservative side.

However, it disgusts me that the Democrats can't get their shit together, period, at all, in any way.  You are being called out for deviance by the party that out-deviances you by like 5 to 1.  You're being chastised on family values by guys who cheat on their wives, half the time with male escorts, and then lecture us about how GAY MARRIAGE is what's destroying the institution.  Apparently cheating with hookers and fucking rent boys is ok, or at least that's what Democrats must think, because they give the Republicans a pass on it.  You're being called fiscally irresponsible by the party that supports two wars and a near-trillion dollar bank bailout, as well as more tax cuts for the rich and continued subsidies for corporations that make billions in profits, and you let them get away with it.  You're being called "Tax and spend, big government socialists" by the party who wants to drug test everyone who gets a welfare check at taxpayer expense, who wants to create whole new, previously non-existent government agencies to force women to go through unnecessary programs in order to get an abortion, at taxpayer expense, and you're letting them get away with it.  You're being called "un-patriotic" and "Anti-American" by the party who created the Patriot Act - the single largest piece of legislation for restricting and violating the basic rights and freedoms of American citizens in our nation's history, and you're letting them get away with it.

The Democrats are like that girl on Maury who thinks her husband is cheating, so she brings him on and he gets caught in the greenroom making out with the "sexy decoy," fails the lie detector test, and gives her an STD and she still says "BUT I LOVE HIM MAURY!"  You're like the world's biggest collection of cuckolded husbands on Earth.  Your wife is fucking another dude, right in front of you, and you just sit there all pissed off muttering under your breath about how you're gonna do something about it someday and she'll be sorry, and then you get up to make them something to drink and get them a towel when they're done.

Again, I'm not saying Weiner doesn't deserve to catch shit for what he's done.  I'm saying if he has to resign, then Vitter has to fucking jump in front of a bus.  If Weiner committed a horrible act of impropriety that embarrassed his office, then Vitter just wiped his ass with the Declaration of Independence.  How about a little consistency in your outrage people?  How about if it's not ok for Weiner to tweet his cock, then it's not ok for Vitter to actually put his cock into a live girl?  How about fighting back for once, Democrats?  How about not throwing your own guys under the bus and doing the Republicans work for them?  You do realize the less Democrats there are, the less power  you have, right?  How about circling your wagons for once and defending your guys when they fuck up until they back down?

Beyond just that, though, how about actually standing up and fighting for your party values for a change?  How about clearly defining what those values are, so the moron majority in this country can easily digest them the way they do the dumbed-down talking points on the right?  How about going on the offensive for once, instead of spending every single election defending yourselves against bullshit accusation after bullshit accusation?  I mean, for fuck's sake, Obama had to actually produce his long form birth certificate because a group of fringe wackos were legitimized enough to actually make this a political issue.  Why?  Because the Democrats ARE SUCH FUCKING DISLOYAL PUSSIES that they couldn't band together and shame these idiot motherfuckers into going away 2 years ago, the way the Republicans would have if the shoe was on the other foot!

You assholes are going to spend the entire 2012 election trying to defend the character of a presidential candidate who killed Osama Bin Laden, lowered taxes for the middle class, implemented sweeping health care reform, reformed credit card and lending industries so that hard-working families aren't getting fucked on high-interest credit debt and hidden fees anymore, saved hundreds of thousands of American families from losing their homes, stopped a spiraling unemployment crisis and implemented legislation that would create hundreds of thousands of "green economy" jobs - and you're going to have to defend him against the very people all those policies have helped - the middle class, who the Republicans will coddle and bullshit with more "He's gonna raise taxes!  He's a socialist!  I'm still not sure he's 'one of us'!  He didn't kill Bin Laden, Bush did!" and a slew of other horse shit slogans that will be easy to memorize and make you look stupid and ineffective, and once again you'll just sit there and let them do it.

You're going to end up defending the credentials of a Harvard Law graduate who taught constitutional law at the university level before becoming a senator and eventually president of the United States against those of a soccer mom from Wasilla who quit her job as Governor of Alaska 2 years into it to pursue a life of getting paid to be in front of a camera and can't handle "gotcha" questions like "How has your trip to Boston been and have you taken anything from this experience?"  You're going to end up fighting on a level playing field with a fucking idiot, and if you're lucky you might win with 52% of the vote.  That's how fucking fail you guys are, seriously.  Oh, and God help you if Tim Pawlenty or Mitt Romney or anyone with an actual brain wins the GOP nomination...

This is why I hate you, Democrats.  You have ideas that, when presented in simple, easy to digest bites, most Americans actually agree with.  Most Americans agree there should be more regulations on Wall St. to prevent another bubble market.  Most Americans agreed with the repeal of don't ask, don't tell.  Most Americans support a woman's right to choose.  Most Americans want our soldiers to come home.  Most Americans want lower gas prices and for the rich to pay their fair share and stop using loopholes and scams to avoid their tax obligations.  Most Americans oppose tax cuts for the wealthiest 1%.  Most Americans agree that "bigger government" is a good thing, when it helps the people and not the greedy corporations.  However, you keep letting the Republicans and their Fox News propaganda machine paint you as Commie Socialists.  You keep letting them get away with shit that they rake you over the coals for.  You keep letting them dominate the conversation, so that instead of you getting a chance to sell your ideas to the people, you're busy defending yourselves against FUCKING BIRTHERS!  For Christ sakes, WAKE UP ALREADY!  Grow a pair of balls and start taking it to these assholes.  How can you respect someone who doesn't respect themselves?  How can you support a party that doesn't support each other?  How can you back a platform that is a pile of disorganized puzzle pieces that no one has bothered to put together?  How can you believe in a party that doesn't even believe in itself?

And this is why you fail, Democrats.  Because right now you have the most popular ideas, you have the strongest candidates, you have an opposing party that is a fucking hypocritical joke that is literally raping 98% of the voting public and laughing while they do it, you have the most charismatic incumbent president since Kennedy running for re-election, with a higher approval rating than Bush had at the end of his first term, you have opponents who are at best weak and at worst a complete laughing stock and you still can't get your shit together and pound these guys into the dirt.  You shouldn't be barely winning elections, you should be running away with them, and you sure as hell shouldn't be losing them to the fucking guys who created this recession, while it's still going on, due to the votes cast by the people it's most affecting!

You're pussies.  You're disorganized, disloyal pussies.  You're weak, you have no sense of teamwork, you fold in the face of opposition, you give the other guys a pass over and over when they would never on their lives do the same for you, you don't respect yourselves, how do you expect anyone else to respect you?

Now, somebody clean up all this elephant shit over here, please?