I know I have never even given the impression that I was planning to run for president at any point in the past, but I want to take a moment to draw attention to the fact that I am not announcing my intention to run for president.
I have given no thought to the possibility, entertained no fleeting consideration of running and made no uncertain statements regarding my desire to seek a presidential nomination. I have denied having any interest in running in this election, I have repeated that denial several times and I have referenced my repeated denial every time someone has asked me if I intend to run. That means I have repeated it no times because I have never been asked.
So, I just want to take this opportunity, using my public forum, to confirm that I still mean it when I say I am not running for president.
I know there are no people who would like to see me run for president, but I am going to have to disappoint them by not running. I apologize to the pretend people who have gotten their hopes up or bought into the imaginary media hype surrounding any potential announcements that I might ever make affirming my intent to run for president. At no point did I ever have any intention of running for president during this election cycle and it was irresponsible of those non-existant news agencies to speculate on something I have been pretty clear about from the beginning.
I am happy with my current profession of being an unpaid, freelance blog writer and I have no desire to enter into presidential politics at any point in the near future. I am flattered at the total lack of support I have received, but for now I will just say thank you and I appreciate your non-support and confidence, but I am not running for president.
I would like to thank the people who have donated literally no time or money to try and persuade me to enter the race. The 0's of supporters around the country who have invested no effort at all into encouraging me to enter the race and the 2's of people who read my blog every day and believe in me and my message. I promise to keep doing all the things you never asked me to do and could frankly care less if I keep doing or not. I made a commitment to provide you with a brief, daily distraction from work or whatever doldrums you find yourself suffering through and seeking a moment's respite from and I fully intend to continue that work.
Lastly, I just want to state, emphatically, that even though I am bringing up this subject and continuing to talk about it, I have absolutely no intention of running for president. I appreciate any attention that talking about not running for president might earn me and I will certainly take full advantage of even the briefest amount of extra attention that this announcement to not announce anything might bring. I thank you for your complete lack of concern regarding this incredibly easy decision to not make any decision except for the decision to decide against... wow, I can't even follow my own train of thought at this point. Suffice to say, I am not and will not be running for president and I thank you for taking the time to read this completely unnecessary and pointless waste of your time where I re-confirm something that was never an issue in the first place just to stroke my own ego... err, put the "rumors" to rest. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to stand over here, flapping my arms like a chicken, to get people to pay attention to me...
Oh, and Sarah Palin will not be my running mate when she also does not announce her intention to run for president and not lose the primaries she won't be a part of. Thank you.