Monday, November 28, 2011

Cyber Monday...

Apparently it means something entirely different than I thought it did.  My apologies to all the people who I sent pictures of my junk to and asked what they were wearing.  It would seem that this isn't, in fact, a holiday for people to celebrate by engaging in two-party sex chat over the internet, but rather a day when we're supposed to be doing the most online shopping of the year.  Ok, fair enough, you win this round, Al Gore...

Well, it would appear that I have survived Thanksgiving, post-new diet.  I haven't weighed in with my nutritionist yet, but our woefully inaccurate bathroom scale is showing me a smaller number than it did a little over a week ago, so I'm hopeful that when I get on a scale that actually reads correctly, it will confirm that I still managed to lose weight in spite of my debaucherous birthday weekend and exuberant turkey feasting last Thursday.

Speaking of cyber Monday and losing weight, I want to buy a bike.  I haven't owned a bike in over 17 years, partly because I was like "screw a bike, I have a car that runs" and partly because I haven't been in any kind of shape to ride a bike in at least 10 years or more.  However, now that I'm starting to slim down a bit, I'm fired-up to get a bike so I can start riding it all over the place and get even more exercise.  Now, I don't really know a lot about bikes, other than how to ride one.  I mean, I remember names that were good brands when I was younger, but that doesn't mean anything now.  For all I know, the brands I used to think were great suck balls now.  So, I'm relegated to combing the different store websites and reading customer reviews.  Of course, my biking demands have changed since last I rode one as well.  Used to be, all I cared about was how it looked and if it was one of those cool brands I knew about.  Now, my number one priority is "Will this thing support my big ass?"  With number two being "Is this a good price or not?"  Not that I don't still have some vanity standards, I mean, I'm not going to ride a flamingo pink bike with a banana seat, but cosmetics are taking a back seat to quality, value and utility.  Ah, the consequences of maturity.

Which brings me to a griping point.  A couple weeks ago, when I was looking for a bike to put on my "wish list" for when I got my weight low enough to meet the maximum weight capacity, the bikes I liked best were all in the $180-230 range.  Now, they're all $200-300.  It's understandable, I suppose, take advantage of everyone buying stuff online with their credit cards and worrying about paying for it later by jacking the price up on everything by 60%, then knocking 20% off of that and calling it a "sale", but it's still a little annoying because now I'm actually down to a low enough weight to get one of these bikes and I have the money to do it, but I just can't bring myself to spend an extra $80-100 for the same damn bike.  I guess I'm just going to have to wait for the after Christmas sales or whenever it is that prices go back to where they were before.  It's all good though, that will just give me more time to lose even more weight so I definitely won't have to worry about breaking my new bike by being a big fatty Mc fat fat trying to ride around on it.

As long as I'm griping about things, I have a dentists appointment today.  Now, much like my body, I have not taken the best care of my teeth and when I went to my first appointment last week to see what I needed to have done, I think I could literally hear a cash register sound going off in my dentists head.  It's that weird sort of irony where I'm pissed about all the drilling, filling and - oh yeah - a root canal that I'm going to have to get done, but I can't really get mad at anyone but myself because I wouldn't be in this mess if I took better care of my teeth in the first place.  What can I say, I didn't have health insurance or dental coverage at most of my jobs and even when I did, it wasn't like the thing I most wanted to do with my free time was fill it up with doctor's appointments.  Plus, I really didn't give a damn about my health for pretty much all of my life, so I made a lot of bad choices and picked up a lot of bad habits.  Reversing that is going to be a pain (literally), but I'll just look forward to how much better I will look and feel when it's all over and hopefully that will keep me in good spirits in a couple hours when I'm squirming under that merciless drill.  Ugh, really not looking forward to this, but it is what it is.

Ok, so I suppose that will do it for now, gotta go get ready to be toothed out.  I haven't had my teeth worked on since I was a kid and I absolutely hated it then, so I really would rather be just about anywhere else doing pretty much anything else than going down to Dr. Teeth's torture dungeon.  All I know is I better get a sugar-free lollipop when I leave or I'm cracking some heads!

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