Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Republican Logic: Teachers are greedier than Bankers and CEOs!

That's right, according to the Republicans, those damn teachers making $40-50k a year plus benefits are what's destroying this country, a country that good, decent, job-creating bankers and CEOs are trying to save!  According to our good friends in the Republican party, their friends in the finance industry and the ONLY source for "Fair and Balanced" news, greedy public workers are what's bankrupting our states, with their elitist lower-middle class salaries, their hi-falutin medical, dental and retirement packages, their PAID vacations and their... gasp... JOB SECURITY!

Everyone knows the country is in financial trouble.  Most of the middle class is still feeling the effects of the recession, which apparently seems only to have ended for the wealthiest Americans.  It's clear that the only solution to the financial woes that affect nearly every state in the U.S. is to generate more revenue.  Now, one way to generate a tremendous amount of revenue is by repealing the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans - a move that would generate at least $750 billion over the next 10 years.  Not bad for a roughly 2 1/2% tax increase for people making over $250,000 a year.  To put that in perspective, 2 1/2% of $250,000 is $6250.  That works out to just over $500 more a month for people making over $20,000 per month.  However, as all your Republican friends and the talking heads at Fox News will be quick to tell you, taking $25,000 more a year for every million dollars someone makes kill jobs!  I mean, it's obvious, right?  Think about it... think about all those jobs that could be created from the $25,000 more a year that a person making $1million would have to pay?  I mean, you could literally hire one weekend shift manager at Taco Bell for that!  Oh wait, I forgot you would also have to pay for their fancy-shmancy "benefits" package and social security taxes, so I take that back, you couldn't hire a weekend shift manager, but you could possibly hire a part-time drive-thru cashier!  I shudder to think of the far-reaching negative financial impact that could have on this country!  So, OBVIOUSLY we can't ask the ultra-rich to pay 2 1/2% more in taxes, because that's fucking SOCIALISM and CLASS WARFARE and it will KILL JOBS, so the only solution, to prevent the KILLING of JOBS in this country is MASSIVE LAYOFFS in the public sector, it makes perfect sense!

Think about it!  The average teacher makes about $50,000 a year.  Now, add in their benefits package and that SKYROCKETS up to an astronomical $70-75,000!  JESUS FUCKING FUCK!  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!  Do you know how long the average CEO in this country would have to work to earn that kind of money?  ALMOST THREE DAYS!!!  That's right, the average S&P CEO made a paltry $9.25 million last year, or roughly $27,530 per day.  The amount of extra taxes the average CEO would have to pay if the Bush tax cuts were repealed is $231,250, or less than two weeks of work.  Of course, that's just base salary, that doesn't include the money that every CEO in this country makes from stock options and investments, which fall under capital gains taxation and aren't subject to any change in the income tax rates at all.  But I think I've made my point, these greedy fucking public employee unions will stop at nothing to bleed our decent, hard-working wealthiest 2% dry!

You know the argument, taxing the rich kills jobs, it stifles investment, it stymies economic growth, it causes birth defects in children, it's the leading cause of heart disease and it's been linked to the gum disease gingivitis.  We all know that every job that has ever been created in this country has been the result of a rich person sitting there saying to himself, "You know, I have all this money... I really should hire some people so I have something to spend it on."  It's just basic human nature right?  Whenever you have a lot of money, the first thing you want to do is pay somebody to do something for you, whether you need it or not, right?  Certainly the first thing every business - from the smallest mom n pop stores to the largest mega-corporations - do when they start making a profit is immediately hire more people to spend that profit on, yeah?  On the flip-side, whenever a company isn't making enough profits, the one thing they never do is lay off employees, right?  Well, ok, so maybe companies lay off thousands of workers every day so they can raise their stock value a few percent and make their rich shareholders even richer and earn big bonuses for their top executives, but they then take all those profits and use it to CREATE JOBS don't they?  I mean, if 10,000 people have to be laid off so a company can turn enough profit to hire 500 new employees, that's still job creation, isn't it?  If you don't agree with that, you're probably just ignorant to the intricacies of the stock market, corporate accounting, business finance and a bunch of other complex financial disciplines that you couldn't possibly fathom if you went to a public school where you were taught by LAZY, OVERPAID TEACHERS!  See, it's like six degrees of Kevin Bacon!  You're too stupid to understand how giving more money to the richest 2% of Americans is actually good for YOU because you went to a public school and were taught by greedy, lazy, unionized teachers living high on the hog with their fancy $20,000 cars and their rented homes and their 3 month summer vacations.  It's ok, I went to college, I'll explain it for you...

See, if you raise taxes on the rich by 2 1/2%, what you're really doing is punishing them for being successful.  The ultra-wealthy in this country worked very hard to become as rich as they are, some of them didn't even inherit it from their parents!  Can you imagine?  NOT having a trust fund?  NOT being handed the reins to a fortune 500 company?  Yet, many hundreds of people rose to the ranks of the wealthiest 2% just by working hard, having a good idea and maybe inventing Facebook or something.  Now, if you raise taxes on these hard-working super rich people by 2 1/2%, you're telling them that they're wrong for being so rich and you're now going to "redistribute" an extra 2 1/2% of their wealth to people who are obviously lazy and entitled, because if they weren't, then they would be millionaires too, obviously!  Now, everyone knows the money has to come from somewhere, but as I have just explained, you can't take it from the ultra-rich because then you're punishing them for working hard.  So, the only logical solution is to take it from the other 98%.  It makes perfect sense, there's 98% of us and only 2% of them, so it's just fair to take the money from us!  Instead of punishing a poor CEO for making almost $10 million a year, it's far more fair to punish the teacher making $50,000, and again, if you can't see the clear logic in that, well thank that awful teacher who only cares about making a profit and could give a shit if you lose your home because they decided to write a bunch of bad sub-prime loans, wrap them up in stock derivative options, sell them to their rich friends, crash the housing market, ruin your property values, raise your mortgages, foreclosed on your house and then laid you off from your job so that they could take the bailout money that your taxes paid for, re-invest at the bottom of the market, profit a second time by selling all that bad debt back to the government, earn record profits and average executive bonuses, and still not hire you back or help you take advantage of government programs to keep you from losing your home and ruining your credit.  FUCKING TEACHERS WHEN WILL THEY STOP!?  HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH!?!?  So you see, raising taxes on the rich will only kill jobs, kill investment, kill innovation and kill babies.  The answer, clearly, is to lay off more people in the middle class, only then can we save the middle class!  I can't possibly explain it any more simply than that.  Listen, if all your Republican friends get it and you don't, then maybe it's time to just accept that Republicans are smarter than you.

As you can see, it's pretty obvious that greedy teachers and other public employees, with their job security and their un-raided pensions, are the cancer that's destroying America.  Bankers and CEOs are NOT the bad guys, so stop with the CLASS WARFARE!  See, it's just like a liberal to incite class warfare like this.  That's what you fuckers LOVE to do.  You just love to point out how the rich get richer and the poor get poorer because you know that kind of talk creates animosity towards the ultra-rich.  You just can't stand that maybe they've hoarded 95% of the wealth in America because they're just smarter and work harder than you do.  I mean, this is AMERICA, not communist China!  If you want to spend millions of dollars to get politicians elected in exchange for special considerations and legislative changes that enable you to make hundreds of millions of dollars, what's stopping you?  This is a free country!  You liberals need to just accept the fact that rich people in this country are smarter, better and harder-working than you.  Yes, that's right, you might think you work hard because you spend 40+ hours a week in a factory, or meeting deadlines in an office, or breaking your back doing manual labor, but if you were REALLY working hard, you'd be a millionaire, wouldn't you?  So, since you're so fucking lazy that you can't even make a million dollars, then instead of punishing those good, decent millionaires out there who sweat it out in the trenches every day while you just kick back at your blue-collar country club you call a job, maybe you need to step up and pull your own weight and pony up the bill to bail our country out of debt yourselves.  It's only fair, since we're the ones who caused this whole mess in the first place.

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