Friday, April 29, 2011

Talk all the shit you want, I'm a Royal Wedding fan!

I mean, how could you NOT be?  I was up at 3:00 this morning, watching William and Catherine say their vows and the whole nine yards.  Anyone who says that this wedding was a waste of the media's time and resources, that "who cares about a Royal Wedding?" that we have more important things going on in the world to worry about than this... I say, where is your sense of humor?

I mean, really?  There are two main groups of people who loved this wedding - those who are swept up in the majesty and the chivalry of a fairytale wedding, straight from a Julia Roberts chick flick; and those who wait with rapt attention for little nuggets of gold that we can treasure and then immediately scan the internet for, hoping someone uploaded it for our entertainment pleasure.

Like Lady Gaga here in the hat that looks like what an initiate in Oprah Winfrey's secret cult would wear.

The hats were awesome.  I was both flabbergasted and overjoyed with the shit these bitches had on their heads.  My emotions swung from "What is the deal with these hats?" to "Omg, I hope wearing hats like this becomes the biggest trend in the world!"  I could do a whole post just on the hats alone.

"Be honest, does this jacket make me look stupid?"

It's like what would happen if Juggalos were actually British Royalty and high society!  Proof that money doesn't not make you a weird, pretentious douche, it just gives you a bigger advertising budget!

Hat 9 From Outer Space.  Yes, you can get local channels on it too.

"My hat doubles as a spare shoe in case one breaks!"

"Oh yeah?  Well mine doubles as a hemorrhoid donut in case the pews aren't padded!"

According to the google image search, there are 3 stupid hats in this picture too, but I can't seem to find them for some reason...

On a related note:  I thought Catherine was a hot POA, but damn!  If I was prince Harry, I'd be taking my pick like Charlie Sheen at a whorehouse.  "Send those 3 to my antechamber."  "Right away, your Princeyness or whatever we call you!"

And the award for least ridiculous looking hat goes to...

They got through 3 layers before they realized it was actually just one of Fergie's daughter's hats.

The important thing is, at least people are keeping this wedding tasteful and not ruining it with a bunch of cheap crap like they did with Charles and Diana's wedding.

Nothing says "Royal Wedding" like an overly-glittery facade for something that will get old in 6 months and be obsolete by the end of the year and leave you wanting something new.

You know who I thought was kind of a pimp though?  The Queen.  I thought she looked great in her outfit.  I've heard some of the "haterz" clowning on her yellow ensemble, but I disagree with them.  I thought she was bringing the fire and did not at all look like Jim Carey in The Mask.  See for yourself:

Here she is, shaking hands with the solid-gold priest they had custom-made for the ceremony.

So, ok, maybe her purse and shoes could have matched, but she's still baller as fuck, in a street ass Tweety Bird kinda way.  Tweety Loc, that's what I'm gonna start calling her.  She's on point.

You know what else was funny?  This is what Elton John wore:

He was one of the most normal-dressed people there.  It's kind of brilliant though, in a wedding ceremony where you could literally walk in wearing Big Bird's head and a suit of armor made out of license plates and not even turn a head, the guy wearing a simple suit with a purple tie sticks out like a sore thumb.  Plus, his outfit kind of makes me hungry for Cadbury Mini Eggs for some reason...

Even the vows had some comedy in them!

"Do you, Catherine, take William to be your husband, to have and to hold..."

"...For rich or for poor..."

I mean, come on.  If you weren't laughing, you weren't living.  Seriously though, the smirk on her face when the priest said "For rich or for poor" was hilarious.

Harry doing a little quick math in his head "Let's see, this thing will be over in an hour, I got 5 of these bitches waiting in my room for me, 30 minutes per girl, divided by 2, carry the 1..."

See, it even stimulated the local economy!  I feel bad for the guys who took the "When will Diana arrive?" bet though... (Too soon?)

Tails is a picture of Camilla eating corn on the cob.

Catherine's sister, Pippa.  I thought Catherine was hot until I saw this chick, she makes her sister look like a shit bag.  If I was Harry, I'd already be painting the target for a tactical strike...

...And they lived happily ever... HEY, GET THAT DAMN KID OUT OF THERE!


  1. The "Solid Gold Priest" comment made me actually laugh out loud ;)

  2. ... where are the Three stupid hats ? Those 3 angels.