Thursday, September 29, 2011

I Want Meghan McCain's Babies.

Hot, smart and already in bed... oh and I hear she can pay for her own dinner... perfect!
So I'm feeling especially upbeat today.  I'm in this unbreakable good mood and I don't even feel like bitching about Republicans, if you can believe that.  Because of this, I have decided that, in the spirit of love and compassion and olive branches and all that good stuff, I'm going to dedicate my post today to my favorite Republican in the country right now - Meghan McCain.

And you should be happy about it, too!

Like a lot of people, I first became really aware of Meghan McCain during her father's presidential campaign in 2008.  I had seen her here and there before, but she didn't get a whole lot of face time on camera.  I mean, her dad didn't even get a whole lot of camera time before he started his presidential aspirations, so I wasn't fully aware of just how irresistibly smoking hot Meghan was until she started showing up at campaign stops with her pop and I was like holy crap!  I mean, I knew her mom was exceptionally good-looking, especially for a woman her age (Yes, I know there's no possible way to say "for her age" without it being a bit of an insult, but come on, Cindy's like, what? 70?  She looks great for 50, let alone whatever her actual age is, sorry there's no better way to say that.) so yeah, I knew Cindy was GILF status all day long, but then here's this Meghan and she's just sucking all the hotness air right out of her unnaturally attractive mother.  Here, I'll give you an example...

If I was sitting next to Nancy Pelosi, you'd be begging to sniff my chair when I got up.
See?  Eliminate Meghan from that pic and replace her with... I dunno... most of the wives of our elected politicians and Cindy would shit all over them.  In fact, that's why you don't see many pics of Cindy McCain posing with other politician's wives, who needs that one-upsmanship?  Like you want to have to talk your homely ass conservative wife off the ledge after she sees the pics of her looking like she just won Best in Show standing next to that age-defying succubus.  Not to mention, she can buy and sell you to boot.  I mean, it's not bad enough that a woman 20 years older than you makes you look like a ditch pig, but she's got your mortgage payment in her couch cushions.  Yeah, I wouldn't pose for that photo op either.  She even makes Newt Gingrich's impossibly attractive *for him* wife look like a tweety bird with too much makeup.  Screw Bachmann, I want to see Cindy McCain eat a corndog!  But enough about mom...

Yeah, that's what daddy likes...
This was the pic that first made me undeniably aware of Meghan's ridiculousness.  Incidentally, this was also the picture that got her into some hot water during her dad's campaign and ultimately led to Senator McCain's staff recommending that Meghan leave the campaign and stop showing up at stops with him.  It was more than a bit ironic that John McCain's campaign advisors thought it would be a good idea for Meghan McCain to leave the campaign because she was somehow promoting too sexy of an image and that she might be considered somehow inappropriate and sexualized, but letting Sarah Palin drag along her pregnant 17-year old daughter and the doofus who knocked her up was perfectly fine.  Something Meghan herself points out the hypocrisy of in her book about her experience on the campaign trail.  I mean, do these people even watch Fox News?  Don't they realize that conservative males get 80% of their political education from busty blondes that look like they like to have sex, just not with them?  Like you watch Megyn Kelly because her political insight is so deep and on point... please!

Sorry, you're right, you should be the only Meghan I talk about in this post, let's never fight again.
It's like God really owed John one after he toughed it out in that POW camp for all those years, so he said "Ok, I'll give you a super-hot, mega-rich wife and as an added bonus, I'll let barely any of your dna affect what your kid looks like."  Best of all worlds!  So, you end up with this smoking hot girl, rich as all hell and the only thing wrong with her as far as I can tell is that she still votes Republican!  I mean, that's totally fixable!

I support whatever the hell you believe in, all the way...

See!  She really wants to be a lefty!  She and her mother have both publicly disagreed with her father's stance on gay marriage and gay rights in general.  Meghan is a fairly outspoken supporter or marital equality, which unfortunately makes her a "rhino" to the rest of the Republican party.  She's tried to sort of win their favor back by going on some non-Fox News talk shows and parroting the talking points, but you can just tell she doesn't really believe in it, the blind, circular-arguing passion just isn't there.  It's too easy to out-argue Meghan McCain over conservative talking points because her heart just isn't in it.  She's a centrist, a moderate Republican at best - and we all know that a moderate Republican is just a fancy word for a liberal who's afraid to jump in the water - at least to the conserv-o-sphere.  I notice I've been "-o-sphere"ing a lot of words lately, it's my new thing that I'm into this week.

Wait... I totally had a point I was going to make... give me a minute here...
I think Meghan is convertible.  Not that I mean she would look great with her top down... although, obviously, yadda yadda... but I think that she could be swayed to a center-left position with a little persuasive argument.  I think she's got the heart of a lefty beating inside those massive, wonderful GOT's.  See... "GOP" means "Grand Ol' Party" so "GOT's" means... well, I think you get it.  Anyway, she might have the hardened exterior of a heartless conservative, but she's all gooey and blue state on the inside.  Once her dad retires, she's going to be an MSNBC contributor, I can feel it.  The only person who will be more stoked by that than me, I suspect, is Rachel Maddow.

Meghan McCain represents all the things that make a girl hot.  She's beautiful, intelligent, opinionated, educated, politically active, has a rocking body and has a metric shit ton of money, plus she's going to inherit shit tons more some day.  She's a total package.  All she has to do is stop lying to herself and just admit that she's really a moderate Democrat or at the very least a left-leaning independent and she'll be perfection.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go "poll the electorate."


  1. ¡Qué pollazo te metía zorra!

  2. I'm a fucking wanker for you!

  3. And, years later she is a fat hunchback saggy boob having ugly angry wanna be leftist. No thanks. She needs Jenny Craig.

  4. Still waiting for your final predicament to come true ;-)