Monday, November 7, 2011

What a weekend...

Feeling a lot better than I was last time I checked in here, that's for sure.  So, I did one thing that I predicted I might on Friday - I got some more tattoo work done.  I had some extra zombie creepiness added to my Dawn of the Dead tribute tattoo on my right leg.  I also did something I didn't predict I would do - I drank until I got sick.  That's something I literally haven't done in years.  It was really weird, too, because I was just drinking vodka and the reason I like to drink vodka is because it doesn't make me sick and I'm used to the vodka buzz enough to know when it's time to slow down before I get too far gone.  However, Saturday night it was a crazy, different story.

I was just drinking my drink, no big deal.  Only difference was Shannon made them for me instead of me making them myself.  But, she made them exactly how I would have, so it was awesome.  Maybe it was the combination of the alcohol with the unique physical experience of getting the tattoo, maybe it reacted badly with some cold and allergy medicine I had taken earlier or maybe I'm just a big sissy lightweight now that I'm 60lbs lighter than I was 2 1/2 months ago.  Whatever the reason, right about the time Mr. James Bass was almost finished shading in the last of my new work, the room started spinning big time and I had to go outside and get some air.  Unfortunately, that "air" turned into me throwing up all over the big tree in their front yard.  Poor tree, it never did anything to me except offer shelter from the rain that was falling.  I was leaning against that big, barky bastard and apologizing to it.  "I'm sorry, tree, I know you're just trying to help me, I'm sorry for puking all over you..."  The worst thing about being "that guy" at a party, the one who ends up sick, spinning and blowing chunks all over, is that you're in no condition whatsoever to help clean up after yourself.  It really, really sucked.  Not just because it's awful getting sick drunk, but because - as I mentioned - it has been years since I had that happen to me.  I was pretty confident in my ability to head off my drinking before it got anywhere near that level of instability.  If it wasn't some kind of bad interaction with my cold medicine or something random like that, then I'm going to have to seriously recalculate my tolerance levels.  I mean, for crying out loud, I was at a Halloween party the weekend before and I was knocking back whatever was set in front of me and I never even got a nasty burp on the deal.  I mean, I was drinking these shits called birthday cake shots that tasted exactly like a birthday cake with whipped cream frosting.  The things were almost entirely sugar and booze and I didn't even get a gurgle in my gut.  Yet, one week later and I can't even knock down 4 vodka drinks (or maybe it was 5... things kind of got fuzzy after the first few...) without purging the tank?  I'm pretty disappointed in myself.  On the plus side, though, I got a sweet new tat!

What's awesome about the whole thing, though, is that I rolled into bed at about 3am, which actually became 2am thanks to the time change and then woke up at 10am, jumped in the shower and was ready to help a good friend and former classmate of mine work on a term paper for her history class.  No hangover, I guess I evacuated the alcohol that would have caused that, but my mind was sharp and we cranked out a paper that I'm pretty confident is at least a C+ production in about 3 hours.  Actually, it felt like a good B when I was reading the finished product, but I always predict a lower grade so that I'm never disappointed.  Still, considering I had never attended a single session of this class, never read the book that the report was based on and took all my information on this paper from the instructions she had, I think we managed to put together something pretty awesome.  This is something I like to do, though.  I like to write term papers.  I know that makes me kind of a weirdo, but I enjoy writing and I'm good at it, so what the hell.  It wouldn't be the first time I completely pulled a term paper out of my ass for a friend of mine in school to help them pass a class I never attended and didn't know anything about. 

I wrote my first term paper for Shannon when she was attending UC Santa Cruz.  That was a pretty easy one, she had already done all the research and compiled really detailed notes, so all I had to do was parse all of her information and extract a good paper from it.  I think she got a B+ on that one.  The next paper I wrote was for my cousin-in-law for, I believe it was a psychology class?  That one was also pretty easy because she had lots of notes on cue cards and between that and her textbook I was able to bust out a clear, concise and well-structured paper that I think got her a B as well.  The third paper I wrote was for a friend of ours who had to write about a woman in pop culture from the past and chose Clara Bow.  This was probably my toughest assignment because she didn't have any notes, just a book about Clara's life and the instructions.  That one took me a few hours because I had to skim the book for pertinent info, but I knocked that sucker out and I think that was also a B grade paper.  So, if history is any guide, I think I helped produce another B paper, but we'll see.  Yeah, thinking about it, I should probably start charging people to do this.  I mean, guaranteed at least a passing C grade paper for $50?  $75 for a B and $100 for an A?  I might be onto something here! 

Speaking of making money off of my writing, you may have noticed I added a "donate" button to my blog.  Yes, I am about to shamelessly stump for handouts, but that's what liberals are supposed to do, right?  Seriously though, I've never solicited anyone to click on the ads on my page or do anything else to help me make money on this thing, just having you read it is payment enough for me as far as I'm concerned.  Granted, being able to do this as a full-time job would be fantastic, but I didn't start this thing to make money, I did it as a creative outlet and a vehicle to get my opinions out there.  Any and all success that comes from this will be as surprising as it is welcomed.  That being said, if you have a few bucks burning a hole in your credit card or Paypal account and you want to show The Dave Factor some love, help me build up my "replacement computer when this old bastard finally goes tits up" fund or just chip in on my next drunken escapade so you can read about the Technicolor aftermath and laugh or cringe at my descriptive re-telling of the tale, feel free to shoot me a buck or two.  Pennies makes dollars!  Also, show some love to the sponsors.  Although I am contractually bound not to solicit people to click on the ads on my page, I'm not contractually bound to discourage such action, either.  (wink wink)

Hey, you think this is bad?  Wait until I get the coffee mugs and T-Shirts made...

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