Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Conservative Hypocrisy is Fun!

So, now that I've gotten a few fluffy, light-hearted posts out there, cleansed the ol' palate, flushed out the poisons so to speak, it's time to start ripping in to those evil, ignorant, myopic fuckheads once again!  Today I'm taking some time to profile a few of my favorite hypocritical conservative talking points.  With the explosion of Facebook and Twitter, idiotic conservative "observations" are flying around the information superhighway like a baby in a rubber carseat, and the kool-aid drinking masses just repost that shit like automatons, either not bothering to objectively analyze the content their signing their own names to, lacking the capacity to fully understand it, or actually believing that the hypocrisy of their ideology is totally justified.  Well, whatever the reason, I'm calling you motherfuckers out, HARRRRRR!!!!

"It's such a shame that we take care of other countries before our own.  Where are the celebrities on tv raising money for our poor, hungry and homeless?  93% won't repost this, will you?!?"

As you can see, this is a popular Facebook "copy and repost" status.  Over the last couple years, this status has been amended to talk about the earthquake victims in Chile, the Tsunami victims in Thailand, the Earthquake victims in Haiti and any day now should be coming along bitching about the Earthquake and Tsunami victims in Japan.  In each case, the question is raised "Why aren't the celebrities on tv trying to raise money for our needy like they do for other countries?" and bemoaning the fact that we don't "take care of our own."  Chances are, a status like this will be followed with replies like "Amen!" and "It's shameful the way we ignore our own poor and hungry, where's their telethon?" and so on...

Why is this such a hypocritical statement for a conservative to make?  Well, because we do have resources in place to provide food, clothing, shelter and medical care for the poor and homeless in this country.  It's called welfare, food stamps, medicare, section 8... you know, all the stuff that conservatives hate and constantly bitch about their tax dollars going to pay for.  See, conservatives want to talk shit about liberals whenever and wherever they can, so they will even contradict their own selfish ideology just to make Sean Penn look like a shithead for trying to raise money for Haitian earthquake survivors.  How about you turn off the am talk radio, get down out of your lifted pickup, pull your head out of your ass and realize that you are the reason we don't "help our own."  You're the one calling for drug tests, citizenship tests, blood tests and aptitude tests before someone can get government assistance.  You're the one bitching about the greedy poor people always digging their grubbly, entitled little hands into your pockets.  You're the one bashing lazy welfare moms and immigrants who "only come here for free healthcare."  93% are too busy filling up both tanks in their suburbans while bitching about why gas prices keep going up to repost this, will you?

"Abortion is murder!  How sad that a human life is so disposable to liberals.  Only God can decide who should live and die in this world, not man.  Every life is sacred and precious and should be protected!"

Ok, so then that means you're against the death penalty too, right?

"What?  Of course not!  Those people are criminals and deserve to die!"

But, you just said "Every life is sacred and precious."  Or do you just mean that every life is sacred and precious until they're born, and then fuck em, they're on their own?  Also, does this mean you're anti-war now?  That's certainly a lot of killing and taking of sacred, precious life, especially those of innocent civilians...

"Listen, it's not my responsibility to take care of every person on the planet.  Human life should be defended and abortion should be illegal, but if you grow up and become a criminal, then you should face the consequences.  Also, war is a totally different thing because those people are enemies of our country, GOD'S country, and it's them or us, we're just defending ourselves."

Ok, so then you are saying life is only precious until birth, then fuck em, gotcha!  Also, according to several recent studies, as the rate of abortion in this country increases, the number of violent crimes decreases.  The primary cause cited for this is that unwanted pregnancies that are carried to term typically result in unwanted children who are abused, neglected or become poorly cared for wards of the state and make up the highest population of incarcerated criminals in the country today... so, in a way, abortion reduces crime.  You wouldn't have to execute all those criminal adults if they were never allowed to be born in the first place, so if you support pulling weeds out of the garden of humanity, why wouldn't you support spraying to prevent more from growing in their place?

"Listen, killing an undeveloped fetus before it's even able to breathe or function on it's own in any way is murder.  Killing a criminal is justice and killing a bunch of people from another country that I don't care about it patriotic defense of America.  I think it's pretty easy to see the difference here..."

It sure is...

"I'm sick of my tax dollars going to take care of lazy people, drug addicts, welfare moms, immigrants and the poor.  Why don't you try getting a job and taking care of yourself?  This country is going to hell in a handbasket because we're becoming a socialist nanny state and rewarding people for failure when we should be telling people to "sink or swim!"  Life isn't fair and you aren't owed anything in this world, so get off your ass and go pay your own way through life!"

What happened to "It's such a shame that we take care of other countries before we take care of our own?"  This sure doesn't sound very Christian of you...

"There's nothing in the bible that says I should have to take care of anyone else."

Really?  You sure about that?  I seem to recall several parts of the bible that are about exactly that...

"Hey, if you want all your money to go to take care of a bunch of people who don't deserve it and don't appreciate it and just sit back and take, take, take while they coast through life, then be my guest.  Personally, I'm sick of footing everyone else's bill.  I had to work for what I have and everyone else should too.  There's no free rides in this country..."

So, then you're opposed to all the tax breaks, tax credits, tax shelters and tax cuts for the wealthiest and most profitable corporations in America?  The total budget for food stamps, welfare, medicare, section 8 housing assistance, welfare to work programs, and state-provided entitlements for the poor and homeless is less than the amount of tax breaks given just to the oil and finance industries, who are the two most profitable businesses in the world.  Nevermind the billions in tax dollars, credits and subsidies given to the richest 1% of the population.  Certainly those people don't need your help, don't deserve your money and based on their treatment of the middle class who's tax dollars they readily accept, don't appreciate it either.

"The rich in this country create jobs!  I don't know why you liberals always pick on the rich.  They worked hard for what they have and all liberals want to do is punish them for their success and redistribute their wealth to people who don't want to work for it!  Stop rewarding failure by punishing the successful!"

Under Regan, Bush Sr. and Bush Jr., the 3 conservative presidents who ran this country for 20 of the last 30 years, taxes went down for the richest people and corporations in America.  Government subsidies to private industries went up.  What also went up?  Unemployment and the income gap between the ultra rich and the middle class.  What went down? Private sector job growth, small business development and middle class wages.  The numbers clearly show that giving more money to the rich does the exact opposite of creating more jobs, encouraging business growth and promoting investment.  All it does is make rich people richer.

Also, you talk about not "rewarding failure" in this country... then what do you call the $750 billion bank bailout and the equally outrageous bailout of the housing and automotive industries?  Surely that was rewarding entire industries for failing, and none of the CEOs that were responsible for those failures lost their jobs either.  In fact, thanks to your generous tax dollar donations, they received huge BONUSES for their failures!  Yep, the lion's share of your tax dollars are going right into the pockets of obscenely rich men, none of whom give a shit about you and your problems.  In fact, the single mom on welfare is far more greatful for the programs funded by a relatively tiny percentage of your tax dollars than the room full of billionaires who are laughing all the way to the banks they own and discussing the next legislative scam they can pull off to get even more money out of you.

"So?  Rich people are better than us, ok?  They deserve everything they get, and one day I'm going to be rich too and when I am I don't want a bunch of greedy, entitled, socialist liberals reaching their grubby hands into my pockets and stealing all my money to give away to drug addicts and losers!"

Whatever you say, Chief.  Hey, you dropped your credit card that you were using to pay for the gas in that huge truck you're financing.  I didn't know if you'd notice because it looks like you have 5 or 6 more credit cards in your wallet and I didn't want you to drive off and leave it...

"That's ok, it's probably maxed out anyway.  I can only fill up a few times at these prices before it taps out my credit!  I could complain, but instead I just thank God that I'm fortunate enough to be able to afford the cost of a tank of gas in today's economy!"

"I really hate terrorists.  It is so horrible that there are people out there who attack innocent women and children over their perverted beliefs and twisted ideologies.  I wish we could kill them all!"

I finally agree with you!  Yeah, it's horrible the things that have been done by organizations like Al Quaeda, Hamas, the PLO, The IRA, Israel, Operation Rescue...

"Wait wait, wait, hold up!  The IRA?  Israel?  OPERATION RESCUE??  They aren't terrorist organizations!"

The IRA bombed numerous public buildings, including a department store, killing hundreds of innocent civilians...

"Yeah, but they were figting for their independence!  They were a political organization, not a terrorist group!"

What do you think the PLO was doing?  They were fighting for their independence as well.  The "L" stands for "Liberation."

"The PLO hijacked planes and took hostages, that's what a terrorist does!"

So if they would have blown up the planes and killed the hostages instead, they'd be a political organization?

"Whatever, if you don't see the difference I can't help you.  Regardless, Israel is our ally, how are they terrorists?"

They kill innocent Palestinian women and children in unprovoked attacks on a regular basis.

"Innocent?  The Palestinians are the terrorists!  They want to take land away from Israel for themselves and will stop at nothing to do it!"

Land that used to belong to them... 

"Whatever, Israel is a country and countries can't be terrorists."

What about Iraq?  Iran?  Libya?

"Well, they're Muslims, so they're terrorists."


"Anyway, how the hell is Operation Rescue a terrorist organization?  They want to save unborn lives!"

They use threats, violence and intimidation to achieve their political goals.  That's the dictionary definition of terrorism.  Also, some of their most radical followers have murdered doctors and staff and bombed clinics, those sure sound like acts of terrorism to me.

"It's not terrorism!  It's defending human life at all costs!"

Even when the cost of defending human life is taking human life?

"Look, I know you liberals are all pro-abortionists and you hate unborn babies and want baby murder to be legal, but those of us with strong, Christian values know that every life is sacred and precious and some of us are willing to take a stand for those beliefs and do whatever is necessary to protect innocent, unborn fetuses from murderous, Godless liberals and their pro-abortion agenda!"

Until they're born, and then fuck em, they're on their own, right?


Oooooo K... Well you might be surprised to hear this, but I'm opposed to abortion.

"How can that be?  You're a liberal aren't you?  And you defend abortionists!"

I defend a woman's right to choose.  I defend the law, and the law says that abortion in this country is legal.  I defend the services, like Planned Parenthood, that provide counseling and education to young women so that they can prevent having an unwanted pregnancy and being forced to make the choice to have an abortion in the first place.  I don't agree with abortion, but it's not my place to tell anyone else what to think or do with their body.

"I dunno... that sounds kind of hypocritical to me..."


No comments:

Post a Comment