So, in the proud tradition of the bible and the constitution, many Americans are rallying around the centuries-old Mayan calendar as a creation that should never be updated, revisited or held to any historical scrutiny whatsoever. Which, for a shit-talker like me is fantastic! I mean, just the idea that there are people out there who are really freaking out because they think this is their last year on Earth is amazing to me, it's like a gift from the comedy gods. I really want to meet someone who legitimately believes the world is going to end this year, just to listen to their reasoning for it. I want someone who lives in the era of computers to explain to me how an ancient, unfinished calendar is irrefutable proof of anything.
Then again, what if these crazy fucks are on to something?
|On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...|
|Google: "Wormwood is a giant star that falls to Earth from the heavens, Dave."|
Me: "Awesome, thanks, Google!"
|This is the new "dog".|
|Nothing says "Our military spending is being completely wasted" like a group of high school turds saving America from invasion while our armies get owned.|
Personally, I think that if the world ends, it's not going to be a biblical apocalypse, it's not going to be an asteroid from space, it's not going to the the Ruskies and Cuba teaming up to rape the rocky mountain range and it won't be China doing some aggressive landscaping on all the US soil they already own. Nope, for my money, the end of the world is going to be ZOMBIE VIRUS!
|Yep... you're fucked.|